Noleen's Story - 'Light at the End of the Tunnel'

Light at the End of the Tunnel

When Rory came to me about me starting back again, I jumped at the chance and although I was really keen, I was also nervous too. But I have a great wee group who I love. I really enjoyed Quakers last time that’s why I was bursting to get back. Quakers the first time really helped me. I was at my lowest, I cut myself, was coming off a lot of drugs, even tried to jump of a bridge before. When thinking back now I’m really glad I had someone watching over me and I’m here today and have my 2 daughters back where they belong at home with me. But recently to be honest I feel my mood very low, but I struggle through. That’s why I feel I need to come back. This group is different from before and I think I’m going to benefit so much by coming back.

My names Noleen, 35 from North Belfast. My problems started just after having my oldest. I was put on painkillers for back problems but then I noticed K-Pack weren’t doing it for me no more. I moved onto tramadol, pure codeine, buds, anything really. I lost a lot of friends due to drugs, but I had enough when my friend Gemma died. I had enough, I felt guilty because I was meant to call that night but didn’t. I’d hit rock bottom, I stopped talking to my family, my 2 girls had to go live with my mummy & daddy. Then I found my sister hanging but I got to her in time. While all this was going on, my ex started sitting outside my house. I was petrified of him. I really was at rock bottom; I felt my only way to escape it all was to end my life. I loved my girls but felt ashamed because of the person I became, so I tried to jump off a bridge only to bust my head open. I can’t really remember as I was so out of it and my sister says I scared her because I flat lined.

I decided once I got out of the hospital that that was it. I let myself go cold turkey in the house by myself. After a week I couldn’t get out of bed. I hurt from head to toe and my skin was yellow. My sister got me to the hospital. My potassium levels had dropped so I had to stay in the hospital on a drip for two days. When I got out, I was offered a new place with a security gate so my ex couldn’t get in. This was my safe place. I was off the tablets and started fighting for my girls. After about four years my oldest has moved back in and now my youngest lives with me too after 6 years. I didn’t speak to my family and now I’m glad to say we have all made up. Life is good for the minute, and I don’t want to scud myself.

I referred myself for addiction and I had a great counsellor. It only lasted 6 weeks and I wish I had have had more, but I was busting with pride when I finished. I think there isn’t enough for people with addiction problems. People just tend to look down on you if you have addiction problems I think anyway.

For anyone that finds themselves in my situation please don’t be afraid of asking for help. That’s where I went wrong. I tried to hide my problems, but I feel hiding makes it worse. If I can beat a drug addiction anyone can. I feel bad for what I put my family through - the states they seen me in. But I’m clean and sober now and hopefully we can make more happier memories now my life is peaceful. Now I hardly go out and only to my best mates or my daddy’s. My circle is small now. I’m so glad I got a second chance at life. Me and my two girls have an amazing relationship. I’m so lucky I have these two ladies and I feel lucky also to be talking to my family again.